


Learning how.

by BumbleBeeHoneyLee



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Longing, M/M, Pining, Rain, Reflection, hand holding, using religion to flirt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:35:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21943723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BumbleBeeHoneyLee/pseuds/BumbleBeeHoneyLee
Summary: When his family left Caduceus Clay learned how to be alone, but by the time he was used to the solitude that strange sad group had come knocking on his door and he didn’t know quite what to do, because in learning to be alone he’d forgotten how to be around people.In which Caduceus struggles and Fjord sees.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 8
Kudos: 66





	Learning how.

It was strange at first, being alone after so long surrounded by his family but Caduceus had many seasons to get used to the silence and the cold.

He learned to do many things alone, he wandered the house and the graveyard, tended to the plants and cultivated their garden, he slept in a room of his own (which took at least two season to get used to.)

So if he sometimes set out too many tea cups, or spoke to the air, or made too much food, well that was just how it was.

He learned slowly to cope with the loneliness and to fight off any creeping doubt by prayer and belief, belief that they would be safe, and if not, the belief that it was all a part of the wildmothers plan.

So yes he learned how to be alone but by the time he was used to solitude that strange sad group had come knocking on his door and he didn’t know quite what to do, because in learning to be alone he’d forgotten how to be around people.

So he rambled, he knew that. He’d always rambled but he knew it had gotten worse than it had been when he actually had people to talk to.

And he got confused because the way they said things was hard to understand and sometimes he couldn’t keep up in the way that he was sure he used to be able to.

And at night when Caleb would sit on the soft grass or hard ground and mutter that incantation twirling his fingers like he was painting stars in the air, summoning that little hut that he worked so hard on. Caduceus would smile, lumber over and push past that magic barrier with a sense of appreciation and love.

As he lies in whatever passes as his bed huddled up between the other members of the Nein, - so close his leg brushed jesters back and his back is touching fjord, beau to the left, Nott curled in front of Caleb who’s back is pressed against his chest warmth seeping into him - he tries to drift off.

If his skin crawls or his breath quickens it’s not because he doesn’t want them there, close to him, touching him, it’s because the last time he lay like that had been so long ago that his brain goes fuzzy and his eyes get wet.

He knows the bubble is for their protection but sometimes it feels like he’s trapped. So he moves his large body (he never thought of himself as large before the Nein.) and tries to quietly make his way out of that magic glow and into the cool air of the night.

He sits a few feet from the hut and closes his eyes, listening to the sway of the trees in the wind, the feeling of the wet grass beneath his fingertips and when it starts to rain the feeling of it on his skin and in his hair.

The sound of the sleeping Nein creeps back into his senses, Beau’s loud snores, caleb’s soft breathing, Notts little huffs and growls, jester’s quiet snores and Fjord’s ...

Caduceus slowly opened his eyes and listened more intently. Fjord, where was Fjord.

Caduceus turned his head towards the hut and frowned, he couldn’t hear him. He’d have to peak his head in to check up on him.

The rain grew heavier as did caduceus’ heart. Worry was not a thing he experienced often, in fact it was very rare, while travelling with the Nein he had been experiencing it more and more often.

Just as Caduceus places his hands on the ground to hoist himself up he felt a hand on his shoulder. He hadn’t heard anyone near perhaps because of the loud pounding of his heart.

“Hey there Ducey,” Fjords voice brought a calmness to Caduceus like a warm wind blowing through his mind, pushing the doubts and worry away.

“Ah Fjord I was just about to check on you.” Setting back into place Caduceus looked up and smiled widely, his pink hair sticking to his face. Fjord looked tired and perhaps a little sad judging by the crinkle of his eyes and the slight downturn of his lips.

“You were?” Fjords frown turned into a slight smile as he took a seat on the wet grass next to Caduceus “why?”

“I couldn’t hear you snoring.” The rain grew heavier still and the sound of it was peaceful in a sad sort of way. “I got ... worried I suppose, which doesn’t happen too often.”

Caduceus found himself unable to look at fjord when he said it, his heart fluttered in an odd sort of way and he felt rather silly.“You’re too smart to worry.” Fjord shrugged and picked up a blade of wet grass.

“Too dumb most would say.” Even for his family Caduceus has been a tad slower than most but still they never judged him, not like the rude people he had met when traveling with the Nein.

“Hey now Cad,” Fjord threw the small blade of grass at him “You’re wise as all hell and you are insightful as fuck! That’s better than book smarts.”

“Perhaps but still, I couldn’t work that machine, I get confused a lot ... more and more often these days.”

Caduceus glanced at fjord from the corner of his eye, the half orc was nearly soaked to the bone and caduceus figured he didn’t look much better.

“Well there’s no need to worry.” Fjord grinned the beginnings of tusks showing through his lips “you guide me and I’ll guide you.” Caduceus raised an eyebrow his heart fluttering in a strange way yet again.

“Well you help me with the wild mother stuff and I’ll help you when you get confused, I know Caleb would be better at it but” fjord shrugged his smile fading into an insecure smirk “I’m here for you.”

The sound of the rain and the pounding of his heart also hide the soft sounds of rustling coming from the hut, almost.

Glancing out of the corner of his eye caduceus saw the shadowy figure of Nott peaking her head out of the magical glow eyes cloudy with sleep.

Shaking her heard she turned and spotted them sitting together and grinned in a way caduceus didn’t quite understand before darting back into the hut chuckling quietly.

A few more moments passed in silence before Caduceus smiled and gestures up at the sky with a lazy hand “Melora is weeping, perhaps we should get back in the hut to dry off.”

“Oh yes right uh yep.” Fjord stood, awkward hand outstretched towards Caduceus to help him up.

Fjord’s hand was warm in comparison to the chill wind and cold rain surrounding them and Caduceus felt at peace with everything as he held Fjords hand, even just for a moment everything seemed calm.

As they walked back towards the hut Caduceus let his mind wander, to the fight ahead, the risks they were taking, his family, the feeling of Fjords hand in his.

A soft smile spread across his face as he realised, neither of them had let go.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are my life blood.


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